When it all began

I remember when I was pregnant with my third child. It was 3am, and I was going to the hospital at 7 to be induced. My other two children, ages 15 and 14 were sleeping soundly, as was my husband. I was sitting on the edge of my bed with tears running down my face wondering what I was doing having another child. I paced the floor and asked myself... what are you going to do??? Your kids are almost grown! In four years they will both be out of high school. They can feed themselves, do their own laundry, clean their own room and help out with dishes. They can stay home by themselves if I want to go to the movie or on a drive with my husband. What possessed me to want another baby? Then I put my hand on my soon to be born daughter and felt her kick me. I guess I needed to be kicked. I knew why I wanted another child. I've always wanted a big family. I knew that I had waited years and years to have another child and I was finally getting what I had always wanted. My children were equally excited to have a new sister. Looking back, I can't imagine my life without that little girl. Now age three, my little bug is total joy in my life. She makes me smile on a daily basis. She is giving, kind and loving. She has a wild imagination and I love to just get on the floor and play with her. Two and a half years after she was born we had a playmate for her. Punkin may be only 10 months old now, but she too brings joy to my life on a daily basis. I love watching her face light up in a smile when I walk in the room. Yes, my oldest will be 19 next month, but I wouldn't change a thing. I get no sleep between being a full time mom and working a full time job. Punkin has decided she no longer needs to sleep all night, and frequently wakes up at 1am wanting only mommy, so what little sleep I manage to get is broken up throughout the night. My day starts at 5:30am and ends at 11, sometimes later. I run here and there and sometimes there are not enough hours in the day. But, I love my life and I love my family. Still, now pregnant with #5, I ask myself the same question. What am I going to do???