My last day...

I turned in my notice to quit working in February. I gave my boss 7 weeks notice, not the normal 2. My last day to work was to be March 31. So... why am I still working?? I have never seen anyone drag their feet so much in hiring. We would interview people who were totally qualified, and there would be just something that didn't connect. I reviewed 253 resumes, and singled out over 70 for interviews. We actually interviewed less than 10. Finally, though, we have extended an offer and a new person will start on Monday... 10 days AFTER my "last day." I agreed to stay and train this person, so I will probably work through this month.

I arranged to quit working while I still had some time before the Little Cat is born because I wanted to spend some time with my two little girls, and get them into a routine at home before we bring home a new little baby. I think of Spring Break, coming up next weekend at the high school, and how Sunflower will have some time off school... but I'll still be working. I think of the things I wanted to be doing right now, and accounting isn't one of them, and I get a little frustrated that my employer assumed and pressured me into staying another month. I'm trying not to let it eat at me, because that will only make me miserable and won't solve anything.

So, I'm looking forward to the day when I can walk out the door and know that I won't have to walk back into it... and yet I know when that day finally comes, it will probably be accompanied by tears. I have worked with this family owned company for five years. They treat me so well, and think of me as family. I love each of them, and it is breaking my heart to leave. I would call my husband in a panic every time we interviewed someone... "are you sure I'm doing the right thing to quit?? I don't want someone to take my job!!" I would always calm down, because I know in my heart I am doing the right thing.

I've never had such a clear example of mixed emotions. How can I be filled with joy and dread at the same time? I am so excited to be home with my girls, and yet I am sad about leaving my job. I've worked for the last 23 years. I've wanted to be a stay at home mom since Goober was born... and he just turned 19. I'm finally getting a chance to do something I've always wanted, and never thought I could do. I just have to come to grips with the ache of leaving something familiar to go into the unkown world of a stay at home mommy.

I'm plagued with questions... Am I going to go crazy without adult conversation? Am I going to get a shower or any alone time? Am I going to go stir crazy being in the house all the time? How are we going to make it financially? What if something happens to DH's job and we have NO income? There are no answers. The only answer I have is the look on the face of my sweet little girls when I pick them up each day and the promise in my heart that I will never regret the decision to stay at home with them.

The most important thing a mother can do is raise her own children. My job is to teach them what they will need to be successful adults. There isn't enough time in the world to do that on a part time basis. They can learn math and social studies in school. They learn tolerance, love, sharing, honesty, & charity at home. The home is a haven, a safe place away from the outside world. What better place to be than that?? Watching my little Punkin try to walk, watching Boo learn a new letter, those are rewards that are unmatched. Having them reach for me after nap time, and cuddling on the couch with a story. That is what moms are for. That is my chosen profession. It makes the other questions seem not as important. It makes the leaving easier. The panic goes away.

So, I look forward to soon having picnics in the park and walks along the river... pointing out ducks and birds and caterpillars... talking about clouds and leaves... learning to skip, learning to walk, learning about life. I'll be where I want to be, and in some ways it will be a dream come true.